Dystopian mini saga: HU2184

We were running. Our legs ached but we could not stop. Hearts pounding, this was the revolution and we were taking over.
"Stop the machines!"
But they are the machines,  cruel metal and an autonomic voice. They argue that we're the machines now: crafted by an invisible being.
Yeah. Right.

Commentary

In my obituary, I used the play on words 'a-bit-dreary' to indicate to the reader that the piece was going to be quite humorous and informal. This set the tone of the discourse before the reader had even read the obituary. I used the quotation from Jonathon Swift's poem 'A Satirical Elegy...'to also suggest to the reader that the piece was going to be satirical and it wasn't supposed to be taken too seriously. For the first paragraph I used factual information such as Donald Trump's birthplace and early life experiences to conform to the genre conventions of an obituary and maintain a basic level of formality, however I did use sarcastic language when referencing to the war and when quoting Donald himself ('a small loan of a million dollars') so that my personal critical view of Trump was communicated but it was not done in a way that turned it into an opinion piece rather than an obituary.


I used the unconventional simile of the dog marking his territory to spark connotations of uncleanliness, animalistic tendencies and possessiveness for the reader. The lexical choice of the adverb 'even' was used to emphasise the sarcastic tone of the piece, and the direct address of 'you' connected with the reader as it assumes that the reader has the same views as me, the writer. I also attempted to use a form of metalanguage as I mentioned the symbolism of Donald Trump owning a series of beauty pageants. I hoped that this would be thought-provoking as it causes the reader to think deeper about the meaning of this, but it could also be interpreted as darkly humorous by some readers, depending on their view of Donald Trump.


In my eulogy, I had to change the mood of the writing drastically as the two pieces were going to be so different. I began the piece by using the fact of the date, similar to in the obituary piece, to detach myself slightly from the writing and give a sense of respectful formality. I used the hyperbole of 'unimaginable strength' to stress to the reader how strongly I felt about the person being written about. This is then reiterated in the adverb 'cruelly' as it has connotations of something inhumane: something so heart-breaking that it doesn't seem right or ethical. I used the informal phrase 'to be honest' to show awareness of the eulogy needing to be read out in front of a group of people both the writer and the person being written about had connections with, rather than an obituary in a newspaper for anyone to see. This is then emphasised with the direct address of the pronoun 'you' which involves the listener in the piece and makes the eulogy feel more accessible and personal.


 To touch on an anecdotal segment, I referenced Daryl being the 'little spoon' which would have been a small amount of light, humorous relief for the listeners who would most definitely be in need of it.
I also used the metaphor of unconditional love being 'locked up' inside him to give the piece a more powerful edge, as well as hint to the personality of the person being written about, as someone quite defensive and 'tough'. This contrasts with the anecdotal phase of the 'little spoon' and therefore shows dimensions to Daryl's personality. In terms of phonology, I used the plosive, alliterative sounds of 'powerful and protected' to emphasise the suggested role of Daryl within the group as someone who is constantly on guard, both literally and figuratively. I hoped that the ending of the eulogy would leave a bittersweet feeling for the listener as it mentions some things personal to Daryl: his motorbike and his crossbows.

Eulogy

On Friday 13th October, the world lost an incredible human being. Daryl Dixon brought unimaginable strength and courage to our group and it still amazes me to say that he was my partner. He was my best friend and my soulmate, so for him to be taken so cruelly from this messed up planet continues to break my heart everyday. To be honest, when I first met Daryl, I thought he hated me. His gruff and serious persona could be quite intimidating as you can probably remember, but behind the mask of aggression and fearlessness there was a sweet, loving, generous man who was the little spoon on more than one occasion.


I am so lucky to have experienced the unconditional love he had kept locked up inside him for so long and I will never forget how much he meant to me. Daryl was part of our group for six years and he was a huge part of what made this group so powerful and protected. Although he did go through some tough times, his unwavering bravery rarely faltered and he was always the one that inspired the best in those around him and encouraged them to reach their full potential. The loss of such a beautiful soul will never cease to be felt and I hope that wherever he is, he has been reunited with the love of his life (his motorbike) and an endless supply of crossbows and beer.

A-bit-dreary for Donald Trump

The great words of Jonathon Swift spring to mind when I write that Donald J. Trump has been killed: 'The world he cumber'd long enough.'
On June 14th 1946, just a year after the war ended (so clearly God didn't think we had suffered enough), Donald Trump was born in Queens, New York City. He attended Fordham University as well as the School of Business at the University of Pennsylvania, but Trump did have to fight for a place there, having only been given 'a small loan of a million dollars' from his real estate developer father, Fred Trump.


Trump married his first wife, Czech model Ivana Zelníčková on April 7, 1977. They had three children: Donald Jr, Eric and daughter Ivanka who he famously told the world he would happily date if they were not related. He also had a daughter, Tiffany with Marla Maples and a son with Melania Knauss, Barron Trump.


Much like a dog marking his territory, Trump liked to put his name everywhere: The Trump Tower, for instance, the Trump Taj Mahal, Trump International Golf Links, Ireland. He even had his own line of coffee, fragrance, water and a board game, just in case you wanted to showcase to the world your racism, sexism and other views originating from the Dark Ages. Let's not forget his part-ownership of a series of beauty pageants, symbolising just beautifully his desire to control and possess women.

Although Trump did have considerable success with his many businesses, projects and his key role in The Apprentice USA, he had more recently charged into the limelight following his decision to run for President in 2016. His views were controversial to say the least, calling for Muslims to be banned from entering the US, saying that global warming is a governmentally-constructed myth and most Mexicans are drug dealers and rapists.

I do offer my condolences to his family and friends during this very difficult time. He was a very influential person in the world of business and has certainly made an impact on American politics. I also think it's fair to say that Donald Trump will never be forgotten.

Mock rewrite planning

The History Boys: Hector, Dorothy and the Headmaster
Intro:
Summarise the extract
Patriarchal school system symbolism
Headmaster: Short, simple declarative sentence 'I want them to do you proud'


Para 1:
Vocative of 'Headmaster', Mrs Lintott, Dorothy
Informal/formal tone of voice
Power imbalance


Para 2:
Stage directions
Shift in lexical field: Educational to social 'pizza'
Contrast of discourse with Hector and the Headmaster
Impersonal professionalism as Mrs L doesn't like the Headmaster but pretends to
Taboo language
Collective pronoun 'our fearless leader'
Hyperbole


Para 3:
Nickname vocative 'Hector'
Sarcasm, taboo language
Vocative 'darling', context of calling him out on inappropriate behaviour, patronising?


Mrs Lintott and the position of women in society
Intro:
Symbolism
Lack of female representation in the play
Mrs L as a literary tool for women in the education system and women in the 1980s
Women as a sexual conquest (Fiona)
Lexical field of war and achievement
Older women (Hector's wife) is scarcely mentioned
Women in 3 categories: Sexual object, unnecessary woman and old woman


Para 1:
Declarative sentences communicate passion and frustration
Interrogative sentence 'why do you think there are no women historians on TV?'
Irony as very few female characters in the play
The play as a 'mock society', mimicking it's prejudice


Para 2:
Key interviewing episode
Interrogative 'Dorothy, have you anything you'd like to add?'
Dorothy's experience and expertise is belittled
Low-frequency lexis 'lest' to remind all of intelligence


Para 3:
Aphorisms 'history's not such a frolic...'
Humour, hyperbole
Relatable to female audience members


Para 4:
Colloquial verb 'legged it to Dumfries'
Sudden openness is brushed aside by Hector
Women's suffering is pushed aside and belittled by men
Society's attitude towards unmarried women (kept her last name)


Heartbreaking
Intro:
Context of orphanage
Playful side to Dave and Toph's relationship as well as serious
Overstepping boundary
Repetition of 'please, don't. Please...please, please don't'
Open House as an opportunity to score


Para 1:
Dave as an authority figure
Inappropriate responsibilities for Toph eg. going to the ATM, making dinner
Very protective of Toph eg. new babysitter
Overactive imagination, blurring the lines of reality and fantasy
Asyndetic listing 'handcuffs, floorboards...' hyperawareness of the bad things that could happen
Lexical field of murder


Para 2:
Interrogative of 'were they cute?'
Dave's desperation for Toph to have a 'normal' childhood
Living vicariously through Toph?
Could be trying to extend Toph's childhood by making him relive it
Collective pronoun of 'our age'


Para 3:
Beth and Bill's 'uninvolvement' in their lives
Christmas episode, Bill's intellectually inappropriate books
Lexical field and academic register suggests Bill's lack of knowledge of children, or trying to make up for Toph's poor education/childhood?
Toph 'ingests breakfast with the cartoons', Dave 'forgets' the all-important interview


Para 4:
Dave comes across as a rather reliable narrator until we find out that Beth is actually much more involved in their lives as he leads the reader to believe
Beth's decision to get rid of their parents' ashes
Collective pronoun 'we' (don't want the ashes')
'You don't.' Personal pronoun
'You just-' aposiopesis expresses anger
Dave's 'lattice' metaphor 'the connective tissue...a vast matrix, an army, a whole, each one of us responsible for one another'
Dave's control of his parents taken away


Para 5:
Sibling relationships are important
Memoir shows the bond of siblings and how these relationships change
The gains of loss eg. Dave 'gains' Toph as his soulmate
Both have become successful , the past as a tool for success, not a barrier

Dave and Toph's relationship

How does Eggers present the relationship between him and Toph in Chapters 1-5 of ‘A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius’

Eggers presents the relationship between his younger self Dave and Toph as being problematic  in the terms of Dave taking on his brother’s care at a relatively young age, but the warmth of the brotherly love Dave also has for Toph perhaps lightens the dysfunctional aspects of their relationship. By using imagery, metaphors and some amount of foreshadowing in the beginning of the memoir, Eggers communicates with the various audiences/readers both the positive, redemptive parts of Dave and Toph’s relationship as well as the more dysfunctional elements.

In Chapter 1, Toph is only briefly referred to as his shows are ‘in the washing machine’. It could be interpreted that this is Eggers using foreshadowing to suggest that Toph will soon be following in Dave’s footsteps, as well as suggesting that Toph is not yet a large focal point in Dave’s life. As his shows are being washed, it could suggest that Toph has been outside, playing around and generally just behaving like a child, whereas in contrast to this, the various audiences will also see Toph grow up very quickly as a result of having to live with his older brother after they are orphaned. Further on in the memoir, the readers can also see the impact of their mother’s illness and Dave’s lack of responsibility as Toph refers to himself as being the same age as Dave and his friends by using the collective pronoun ‘our’ (‘Oh, I thought he was our age’). This is hugely effective on the reader as they have essentially seen Toph grow up throughout the memoir, and this jolting realisation that Toph has grown up too much too quickly could make certain audiences, such as parents, understand more deeply just how Dave and Toph’s situation has affected them.

Following on from this and Dave’s responsibility of Toph, Dave is presented by the writer as being in control of many aspects of Toph’s education, both formally and informally. Dave attends an ‘Open House’ at a prospective school which shows that he does have some interest in Toph’s education, however some audiences could argue that as Dave sees this as opportunity to meet an ‘attractive, single mother’ and ‘score’, Dave is more concerned about his lack of romantic relationships than the responsible relationship he should be displaying towards Toph. As Dave teases Toph about asking one of the mothers out, Eggers uses the repetition of ‘Please, please don’t’ which expresses Toph pleading tone and how desperately he does not want Dave to ask her out. But the quotation ‘Of course I won’t’ could communicate to the reader that Dave is taking advantage of Toph’s innocence and naivety, specifically the amount of control and influence he has over Toph’s feelings.

As Dave is both Toph’s older brother and parental guardian, this boundary is frequently overstepped in certain parts of the memoir. However as a memoir is in itself incredibly personal and reflective of the writer, this shows the rawness and honesty of Eggers’ writing style although we do know from the preface that some of the memoir has been ‘entirely reconstructed’ and many aspects of it has been changed. During the episode where Dave playfully pretends to fight Toph with a knife, Toph is immediately afraid and tells him to stop, which could be a representation of the blurred lines between Dave’s older brother role and his parental role.

From previously in the memoir, Dave is presented as a protector of Toph, such as in the symbolism of the superhero painting on the wall and Dave’s fear that something bad will happen to Toph. However the audiences do see Dave behave in more of a child-like manner such as when Dave and Toph are playing Frisbee in the park and when Dave introduces Toph to the band ‘Journey’, saying that ‘in our new world, we will be rocking.’

By using the pronoun ‘our’ and ‘we’, Eggers reinforces the idea that it is Dave and Toph versus the rest of the world, and that in contrast to the beginning of the memoir, Toph is now undeniably a huge part of Dave’s life, a part that Dave couldn’t live without. One of the themes throughout the memoir has been Dave’s constant paranoia and anxiety that ‘people are watching him’ and that Toph will be taken away by social services. These pronouns could highlight how isolated Dave feels, particularly as he has very little help and support when it comes to looking after Toph: their older sister Beth goes to college a very long way away.

The reference to a ‘new world’ emphasises to the readers how much their lives have changed, as their whole worlds have been tipped upside down since they were orphaned. However, the quotation ‘we will be rocking’ is significant as it communicates Dave’s determination that despite everything, Dave still wants both him and Toph to have a good life, one that is not continuously overshadowed by the deaths of their parents.

Despite this, Dave is still very concerned with Toph’s safety and wellbeing, as he appears to be very anxious over leaving Toph alone with the new babysitter, Stephen. This could be interpreted as a contradiction because some audiences may see Dave’s parenting skills as inadequate, so Toph may be even safer with the babysitter than with Dave. Eggers uses the oxymoron ‘red/black worry’ in regards to his anxiety that Stephen will hurt Toph as the colour red often has connotations of blood and violence whereas the lexical term ‘worry’ is much less intimidating compared to, for example, ‘panic’ or ‘fear’. This could communicate to the readers how fixated Dave is on Toph being killed and Dave’s fear of loss, possibly stemming from the loss of his parents. This is typical of Eggers’ style as he tends to keep an underlying theme throughout his texts, and in ‘A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius’, this theme is most notably death, loss and illness.

Commentary

Commentary

I began my prose fantasy piece with a short, declarative sentence to give some context to the story and also introduce the protagonist. I knew I had to use a simple sentence in order to make the story accessible to different audiences/readers, particularly children. I also used the past tense of the verb ‘have’ to indicate that Ellie not believing in fairies was something that had changed. This would make the reader intrigued into what had happened that had made Ellie start believing in fairies. I also tried to subtly reference another fantasy book, Alice In Wonderland by Lewis Carroll with the imagery of Ellie falling.

To keep with the conventions of the fantasy genre, I kept the story in the third person and past tense. The capitalisation of ‘Reality’ emphasized that the fairy world Ellie was in was very different to the one she came from. It also suggested that Reality was a place, rather than a concept, and this kept in line with the fantasy genre conventions as this was a world that could never exist. I described the trees being ‘like ballet dancers’ as I felt like this captured the beauty and grace of the fairy world as well as the elegant structure of the trees.

In contrast to this, I wanted the secondary character, Blossom, to be presented as more confident and grounded. Whilst the stereotypical fairy could be considered quite fragile (‘thin film of glitter’ ‘slender’ ‘fluttered gently’), Blossom’s personality is stronger, shown in the raising of her voice and her ‘cheeky’ smile.

In the final paragraph, I used a lexis that was part of a naturistic lexical field, like ‘tadpole’ and ‘lily’, that were essentially a play on the expression ‘a tad late’. I hoped that the manipulation of these words would emphasize how different Faeland was from Reality. The final sentence ‘welcome home’ was used to spark the reader’s imagination about what this could be interpreted as and the mentioning of Ellie’s grandmother could suggest that she is also supernatural in some way.

In my blog, I used the term of endearment ‘my lovelies’ to show a connection with the reader and make the post more personal and informal. By saying that I knew ‘many of the readers were of school age’ I showed awareness of my audience and who was reading my work which makes the reader feel closer to the writer. I also used the phrase ‘if you’re anything like to me’ to build up a trusting relationship with the audience.

I put my advice in a list to make the post more easy to read, mainly because as the post was intended for a younger audience, I wanted the post to be concise and get to the point quickly. As well as this, I used the pronoun ‘you’ to talk directly to the reader and make it feel as if I was talking specifically to each person individually. However, I was conscious of not overusing this pronoun and coming across as patronising or condescending so I tried to bring the focus back to me with phrases like ‘trust me’ and ‘there’s always one kid…’ In the final paragraph, I asked the readers for their feedback and suggestions so to not separate myself from the reader too much and keep the lines of communication open.